Its like, after last night I finally figured out today when I got high, why I don't like getting high around so many other people. After last night when I realized, truely realized what my soul and look on life is. I'm so distant from everything, its like I'm caught in between two worlds. The pyshycial world, and my world, my world that is my souls realm, the spiritual world that I so badly want to be back too. I'm so fucking seceptable to everything from people. There looks, there energys, their world in their heads, that getting high just raises it even more. I become even more distant....even more attuned to this thing, I'm struggling to understand and control. It makes it hard. I can learn things and slow things down in my head to where I can absorb everything its trying to teach me when I'm high, but at the same time, I can't control the world behind my eyes. I've been so alone and outcasted my whole life because I honestly think I've been able to see their real side, not just the front they put up of people, and I've seen the chaos of life on this planet at this day and age, that's caused me to always think I'm crazy. But after last night... I know all this shit in my head isn't just me being crazy, its me becoming closer to asscension, to the next consiousness. People tend to think that this physical world is all there is, this way of life, is the only normal way. Its not, we've fucked this planet up with how far from unity and togetherness we have came too.
I know that if we just woke up, saw what we were doing, and all the things we could become. My dad may think I'm crazy, my friends may think I'm crazy, my own head may think I'm crazy, but I know ME, I know deep down that I'm not, and I'm on the right path. Things don't happen in coiencedince. When I remember back to last year, or even two years ago... the point I was then, and the point I'm at now, and how much i feel inside that I've grown to be the person I am today. That was in just a year, think if I continued on this path to enlightenment. I can't wait to see the healing things I can do once I do reiki and massage therapy. I'm ready, I'm ready for 2012, I'm ready for the end to create this new begining. Circles and lines. Brian may not want anything to do with me , but that theroy right there has helped me open my eyes. Our soul is never ending, but we can never go back in time, we have a path, a straight line. A series of events that will continue going on no matter what physical or other bodys we might be in. Our soul is infinite. We are infinite, we are universal. I think therefore I am.